Kinko For President
A Clown of Convictions.
(several, in fact...)
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As the 2008 presidential election draws near, the American people demand a new kind of leader.
With "Kinko for President," the Bindlestiff Family Cirkus offers the big-top solution!
Kinko the Clown stands for change... spare change.
He's willing to do whatever it takes to bamboozle the public.
And when it comes to throwing his hat in the ring,
Kinko can't be beat - from hat tricks to juggling hats,
this clown is your candidate!
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Campaign Schedule
Coming Soon!
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The Show
The Bindlestiff Family Cirkus presents
A Bindlestiff Family Variety Arts, Inc. Production
Kinko for President
Bindlestiff Family Cirkus's newest production is a full-force spectacle, where the circus meets the media circus, sideshow marvels meet campaign carnivals, and the audience meets one of this country's oldest traditions - the variety arts. Like all political campaigns, Kinko's campaign will include sleight of hand, tightrope acts, death-defying feats, slapstick comedy, and more. It's time to put a real clown in the White House - Kinko for President!
Artistic Directors: Keith Nelson and Stephanie Monseu
More details coming soon!
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Meet the Candidate
Kinko the Clown was born in the rural South. He has picked tobacco, operated a back-hoe, ridden the rails, walked the U.S., and is wanted in numerous states for mostly misdemeanors. A day sorting trash will give a perspective of his past. He has nothing to hid behind his silent frown. He used to reside in a lovely park in NYC, but was brutally removed from his home only a few years ago. He has never held a job for more than a week. He juggles. And he can be dangerous. He understands the plight of the people. |
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Kinko's Platform
Although my platform can be summed up in two things—flexibility and a sense of humor—I understand that the American people deserve a deeper understanding of my understandings of deep issues. And so, I would like to present my twenty-three-point platform:
On Energy and the Environment: I like the environment. I think we should keep it. Heck, we can even fix it up and make it like a home. You can make anything with corn, wheat, and hemp. I am also a major proponent of methane. Let's go farmers, and get this country rolling.
On Immigration: How did you get here? Ok, maybe not you, but your parents. Ok, maybe not them, but your grandparents. Ok... From land bridges, to ships, to the immigration line, America has always been based on one population moving in and pushing the previous one out. Why should this change? Maybe the next crew can help bring back the neighborhood.
On Taxes: Life is taxing enough. If you have some spare change, give it. If you don't, just live.
On Education: Under my "No Kid Left to Mime" initiative, every kids will have real doors to go through. There will be no fighting the wind on school grounds. Every child will be evaluated on their ability to be generally useful. Important life growing experiences will be taught including juggling, balancing, accounting, safety, manners, daredevilry, roustabouting, cooking, cleaning, and tearing down.
On the War on Terror: We better make dreams illegal so nightmares will not happen. Some things are just plain stupid. So your neighbor may be a terrorist, what should you do. Let's take a moment and look back at history: Witch hunts, Communist Scares, and feeding Christians to Lions. Come on, if we are going to wage war, why not a war on stupidity.
On the War on Drugs: I don't think this notion is specific enough. The realm of drugs is such a wide chasm. To make war on drugs is no different than genocide. It has been proven that there are many drugs that are beneficial to the human condition. And of course, there are those who will lose everything and basically fall apart.
On the Economy: I say it is time for America to prepare for the possibility of global financial collapse. If it does not happen, you will live like queens and kings. If it does, you will be one of the brave, the few, the proud, who had foresight. There is an art to dumpster diving, practice now while you still have an option. Start preparing for a barter based society. And regardless, of course, there are those who will lose everything and basically fall apart.
On the Middle East: Pull Out! It was not nice for us to stick it in like we did, and now the least we can do is pull out.
On Space Exploration: Exploration is great, but pick up your damn trash. Leave no traces!
On the Patriot Act: An act of this nature should be no longer than five minutes. Any longer, and the audience gets numb and falls asleep.
On Work: Americans work too much. By working less you can help get rid of homelessness and poverty. If everyone worked less their would be more work for everyone.
On the Deficit: To get rid of deficit, we get rid of all the underpinnings of contemporary American society. Huh.
Same-Sex Marriage: Just like wanting to be in the military, I just don't understand. But heck, if they want to be married, call me, I am ordained and have a great minister with act wedding combination package.
On Abortion: If you don't want one, don't get one
Foreign Relations: As a world traveling tramp clown, I have come to have a great understanding of Foreign Relations. You know what they say about a clown with big feet...
On the Minimum Wage: For too long we have argued over minimum wage. Regardless of what level is set, there will always be people getting even less. If we had to make some laws governing wages, expect maximum wage laws.
On Communists, China, Russia, and Cuba: Communism is good for circus, and especially cirque. Without communism, and the creation of amazing skilled artists working for well below western payment standards, many of the most well know circus shows would be unable to continue.
On Rail Travel: Rail travel will be greatly improved. Expect advancements in environmental impacts of trains. Additional empty box cars will be required on all trains.
On the Death Penalty: If we are going to have executions, make them public again. Let the people see what the judges are doing. And why not hire a few jugglers, maybe a rope walker, an electric chair act, stilt walkers... But as president, I would get rid of a penalty that is more than losing at the game of life. The idea of anything except nature, accidents, and showbiz dishing out this penalty is preposterous. I kill on stage and in rings, and sleep soundly every night. I just don't understand how suicide can be illegal and the death penalty is legal.
On the Voting Age: Lower it to five years old. If you can wipe your own butt, you should be able to vote.
On the Drinking Age: As president I would assign a committee to study the effects on the nation of reinstating a complete alcohol prohibition. Make everyone a criminal. A quick glance at society shows that it evolved on moral, social, and artistic levels due to prohibition. The lame level of the current society could possibly use such a renaissance again. But if we are going to keep drinking legal, why make the age a law. Whiskey on the gums for teething, champagne toast for tweening the New Years, occasional beer with the family... Prohibitions makes for good times. Responsible drinking is bred since birth.
On Gun Control: I suggest two hands for most weapons, unless you are spinning or juggling them, then one hand may suffice.
On Government: I am Kinko, I am in charge of Kinko's world. You are [your name here]. You are in charge [your name here]. Knowing your neighbor is cool. Government is too big. Our government is oppressing too big. Smash the state with loving kindness.
Warning: Don't sleep with the clowns!
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Support the Clown
Help us get Kinko's campaign on the road. America needs Kinko, and the Cirkus needs your help getting the show on the road!
A donation of $3 to $2300 will get you a Kinko for President button!
Send your pledge of support to:
Bindlestiff Family Cirkus
PO Box 1917
New York, NY 10009
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